Call me a hopeful cynic, but I didn’t think I’d have to live through another of TFG’s administration.

I was hoping we could pull off a win like France recently did to keep their government out of the hands of alt-right-wing conservatives. Boy was I proven wrong.

Tuesday, I went to the gym and ran a 10-minute mile after lifting. Running is my place to release tension and energy. It’s also where my inner thoughts and inner voice surface. “I have longevity. I have patience.” I’m guessing those are the affirmations that are supposed to carry me through the next 4 years. I went to bed at 8 pm without wanting to know the results. Everything in me wanted to be kind to myself. One more restful night. One more night of peace. I won’t say it’s the last night of restful peace because that is simply not true. even though it might feel like it will be the last. It’s not going to be.

Wednesday. My alarm is set for 5:45 am. I woke up at 5:11 am. I didn’t reach for my phone. Giving myself a few more minutes of ignorant peace. When the alarm went off, NYT’s election results were glaringly distinct. Dread and despair course through my body. Particularly, my shins and my forearms. I’m beginning to think that’s were grief manifests in my body because I’ve felt it before in two other heartbreaking experiences. I get to work and bright-eyed WHCMs “celebrate” with high fives and boastful “woohoo”. Even more dread because like the majority of my life, I am the token only female, Asian in the room.

Moments of humanity and Joy despite the results:

1. The manager was dutifully professional and did not entertain the political conversation. Which I think stopped everyone else.

2. The manager allowed me to occupy space in his office as I walked in saying, “I need an emotional support human today.”

3. One of my besties texted and called. Expressing our fears because we remember what happened last time.

4. New Dimes community—It hyped me up and guided me to clarity. I laughed, I cried, I remembered my why, and I felt connected to humanity again. I was reminded that I am doing much better today than my bodily reactions in 2016.

5. Cooking a traditional Vietnamese recipe from Nini Nguyen’s “ ĐẶC BIỆT” Cookbook. Please support small bookstores if you make a purchase.

   
   

   Marching Order for myself:

1. Focus on the micro joys: sunrise, sunsets, birds chirping, green grass, purple skies, siblings’ ramblings, graphic novels, children's picture books, fresh air, 10+ hours of sleep.

2. Stay connected to your uplifting community working on social justice

3. Rest and grieve, but don’t give up.

4. Drink water, keep eating veggies, keep walking those steps, keep lifting those weights.

5. Find new/ fun ways to move your body.

6. Writing is your starting point. Let’s find another way to get more involved.

7. Remember, marine conservation is your calling.